Apparently Queen Elizabeth is in the market for a new private jet, now that UK Department for Transport has approved the use of public money for the purchase. The Royals will be given around £10 million ($20 million), enough for a smaller business jet, suitable for regional travel to destinations within the UK and Europe. While plans for the jet are said to include a bar and in-flight entertainment systems, the plane will certainly not be exactly what the Queen had in mind. Plans had been drawn up for a Royal Air Force 1, of sorts; the Queen’s very own jumbo jet. Halogen Guides has been fortunate enough to uncover details of the private A380, the queen really wanted.*

Here are a few features of that plane:

Throne Room/Corgi Pen: No surprise to hear that the upper deck of the plane would feature a throne room. But it may interest the reader to know that when the space was not being used to issue official decrees, grant titles and offices, or hold council, the expansive space would be used for the Queen’s beloved bevy of Pembrook Welsh Corgis to frolick during long flights.







Hat storage- Designs for the proposed Royal A380 called for the rear galley to be ripped out in favor of a 1200 square foot royal hat wardrobe.

Pulpit- The Queen is not only the sovereign ruler of the United Kingdom and Northern Ireland, she’s also the supreme governor of the church of England. In between flights of Champagne and caviar, the queen would deliver be able to deliver sermons on the virtues of self-restraint to her faithful.

Red Carpet Dispenser- Not every airport the Queen visits is prepared for the arrival of a monarch. Keeping this in mind, the life raft/slides of the Queen’s planes were to be ripped out in favor of an automatic red carpet dispenser, ensuring that proper decorum be observed wherever she might find herself.

Waving Analysis System- Chief among the Queen’s duties is waving in front of crowds of onlookers. Whether it be from a palace balcony, a royal carriage, or alongside a visiting head of state, her majesty takes her waving quite seriously, which is why she insisted her jet be equipped with a state of the art Waving Analysis System. Real-time video software would allow the Queen to monitor all the most important elements of waving, including hand concavity, wrist rotation rate (WRR), and even advanced moves like head nodding.

Saferoom- Every couple months some member of the royal family will say or do something which will likely offend entire groups of people. The plane’s saferoom will allow the Queen and her intimates a space to relax while the inevitable media backlash subsides.

Crown Jewels- Instead of a flight recorder, the unbreakable black box houses something far more precious than information about how a plane might go down: the regalia of the royal family.

Briefing Room- The A380 would be equipped with a fully functioning briefing room to keep informed all of the Queen’s loyal subjects throughout the United Kingdom and commonwealth nations around the world, as well as the millions of tabloid magazine buyers in the United States who have no actual connection with the royal family.



*Which we’ve made up entirely